You Might Be A Homeschooler If You’ve Ever Heard Any of This…
Are you crazy? What about socialization? This fourteen year-old homeschooled kid came to our school last year and didn’t know how to read! What about prom? There is no way you can teach every subject for 13 grades! You aren’t a certified teacher. Your kids need time away from you to learn to take care of themselves. When you discover you just can’t do it right, will you put them back in school? They won’t have any friends. Why are you sheltering them from real life? They’ll be weird. What makes you think you can do a better job than the professionals? Aren’t you worried you will regret this decision for years to come? You just can’t do it all.
Oh ya? Hold my beer…
Nah, I don’t drink beer. Hold my room temp coffee.
For real, I’m the kind of person that will bust her spleen to do something someone says I couldn’t possibly. I had so much fun getting ready to homeschool my boys. I was excited, hopeful and nervous. Oh and clueless.
I still remember the day I asked my husband to begin the deconstruction of our guest room.
“Okay. But are you sure you really want to do this?” He asked me warily as I was sketching a floor plan of where to put things in our new homeschool room.
First off, guest rooms are overrated. And after enduring the comments and questions of my sanity from various family members when they learned I was going to homeschool, warmly housing them as company was my last worry. They serve free breakfast at a number of mediocre hotels in our area, and if they didn’t want to pay for a room they could keep their judgements to themselves and just sleep on the couch or the floor. Or not come at all.
Especially after asking me to promise that I would put my kids back in school if I ever feel like I might need to chop them into little pieces or drown them in the bathtub.
OMG. Wow, right? I could not make this stuff up.
If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say, Say it to a Homeschooler?
They really shouldn’t have bothered with all their worrying that I would screw my kids up royally. I was doing enough worrying on my own. And honestly I still do today. Did you know it is possible to worry about what history curriculum to use with your 4th grader to ensure that he has a well-rounded grasp of world cultures and events that have led to the present day turmoil he hears about on the news, while simultaneously worrying if he will ever capitalize a sentence or brush his teeth without threat of being sold to the next circus in town?
The last thing a worried new homeschool mom needs to bear is the added weight of the thinly veiled indignation of others. As if their obvious questions and assertions haven’t already crossed her mind numerous times.
It seems some people lose all sense of decorum when confronted with the disquieting news that you are planning to homeschool. Seriously, their shock…shocked me. You would have thought they showed up at our house to find me stir-frying Labrador puppies for dinner while my sister wives set the table.
My grandmother literally laughed in my face. Let me repeat that. MY GRANDMOTHER! Like, hysterically laughed. She was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s at the time, but knowing and loving her for years, I knew the real her that was completely present in the conversation. And though I fully expected her to doubt my abilities vocally and with her trademark biting edge, I didn’t expect complete mockery. It literally took her about fifteen minutes to compose herself and ask, “You are serious, aren’t you?”
Wow, thanks Nana. Remember when you came to my graduation for my Master’s Degree because you wanted to see your brilliant first granddaughter walk the stage? Ya, that was me!
But I totally give my Nana a pass. In her best years I never would have expected her to see my reasoning as sound. She never did get past her era of “men and the government are smarter, lets let them make all the really important decisions”. And the laughter was probably the effects of her thought filter wearing out.
Stupid Things People Say When They Find Out You Homeschool
There are many who are not suffering from neurological illness who just forget their filter all together and ask or say really rude and stupid things.
Go ahead and laugh. Do it out loud and in their face just like my Nana. If they forget to use their filter, why use yours? Like I said, you can’t make this stuff up. Cackle loudly and then say, “Oh, you were serious, weren’t you?”
Here are some of my favorites:
- “Homeschooling, huh? Is that even legal?”
- “Well eventually you will have to put them in school so they can learn social skills.”
- “You can’t reproduce school effectively at home.”
- “This is just temporary, I hope.”
- “But they’ll go to high school, right?”
- “Oh, I could never be with my kids all the time.”
- “I didn’t realize you were that religious.”
- “How will you know if they have learned anything?”
- “They need to learn how to dress in style, and what is popular in their age group.”
- “We have a great school district here. They really shouldn’t have to miss out.”
- “Don’t you want them to learn to keep a schedule and how to function when they are tired?”
- “You can’t shelter them forever.”
At first I was very defensive about our decision to homeschool. I wanted to explain my reasoning and get through to these people. I tried to get them to see where I was coming from and to understand what I had learned from researching methods and curriculum. These were people who knew that I was educated and also somewhat naturally intelligent, and were proud of the life decisions I had made thus far. I thought I had their respect and trust after the many intellectual conversations we had in the past.
HA! Suddenly I was a bumbling fool who needed to be reasoned away from the cliff of insanity.
The Insecurity Behind the Insult
It took me some time and hurt feelings, but I came to the conclusion that these people were not so much concerned with my children’s wellbeing or my mental health, but rather they were defending the ground on which their own approach to education sat. The ground that I was starting to quake. They needed to quiet my outrageous idea of homeschooling in order to feel all was right in their world. That there could not really be another successful way other than their own.
The take away; just know they need to punch holes in your ego and find the potholes you will inevitably fall into in order to steady their own ground. Most of all, they need you to fail. Then they can be sure they are doing the right thing. Sadly these folks may not realize they are ruining a relationship in the process. And sadly, this is not how real friends behave.
The best defense is a laugh and duck tape. Your mouth or theirs.
You could also agree to disagree. Walk away. Or try reasoning, if you have the stamina and can sit on your fists. Eventually, you’ll have to forgive them and never discuss what you do all day every day. You may even have to part ways indefinitely.
With friends like these, who needs enemies, right? Homeschooling happened for us. Because when no one else believed in me, I did. Try to remember their hurtful words come from insecurity and try to forgive them.
And then be wildly successful. It is the best revenge.
“You can’t reproduce school effectively at home.” Well, yeah, Sherlock, that’s kinda the point. I will never understand why people have this viewpoint of this mythical, mighty place called “school” that we should endeavor to do at home.
Some people just will never get it. They can’t fathom that there is another way. Truthfully, before we began homeschooling I was skeptical, but I’ve seen the light. So to speak.
I love this post I love this post, *does a happy jig* my favorite part… oh so much! I swear I say that ever stinkin time you hit publish! “Because when no one else believed in me, I did.” THIS!! Thank you <3
Thank you so much for this awesome review! IT MADE MY DAY!
Every. Word. So. True. I went through all the same when I started homeschooling. Now, the very same people are like, ‘Your kids are so smart! I envy you.” I wish I had recorded our prior conversations. Lol
That would be awesome. You could serve them their words on a silver platter!
Your cartoons had me in hysterics!
I feel so lucky that we didn’t really get a lot of this when we decided to pull our eldest out of public school to homeschool. We did get questions from parents and grandparents, but nothing hostile. And they are now our biggest supporters.
Probably because, like you, we are wildly successful 😉
So glad you liked my cartoons. Though primitive, I was hoping they’d get the point across!
I was told by a much younger family member that my kids had to go to public school to learn what was popular so they would not be dorks or dress weirdly, and so that they would be able to go to parties and “make mistakes” so that when they were adults they knew how to drink and use drugs responsibly. This younger family member was very concerned that my kids would “run wild at college and flunk out” because they would not have had experience with drinking alcohol or experimenting with drugs in high school and would not know their limits.
You can’t fix some people’s stupid. So just laugh and walk away knowing they are driving on the same highways so lookout!
*laughs* Oh, that is awesome!
I’ve had pretty good luck using a public school student as an example of socialization… myself….
Amazing how it makes folks realize that, hey, sometimes people are just weird. Given our kids’ parents, they have a very tiny chance at NOT being weird, so I would kind of like to “socialize” them to the idea that abuse, shaming and harassment aren’t normal before I throw them to the metaphorical wolves. It took until I hit the Navy before I found a social group that wasn’t toxic!
My grandchildren are home schooled. I have two grandsons in there first year of college, both being A students. One is 15 and one is 16. My 8 year old granddaughter just published her first book “I Tic”. They are all well adjusted, they are socialized and polite. I am so glad my daughter made this decision when her boys were ready for school. Congrats to Stacey Hargrove.
If you think THIS is annoying, try out unschooling and explain it’s non-imposed self-directed learning… I’m tired of explaining what geniusses children are… People think they are dumb empty boxes that need to be filled asap…
Thanks for this magnificent article!
Now that you mention it. No one has invited themselves to spend the night while they “pass through” town ever sense we started homeschooling. WOW! I haven’t had to stop and deep clean house on short notice in a while. I better put spring cleaning on our schedule next week.
Hahaha! Maybe they’re afraid you might try and teach them something, like homeschool really works!?
I’ve come to the conclusion that they really aren’t asking those things of me, but of themselves. This helps me to not take it personally; just because THEY don’t have what it takes doesn’t mean I don’t!
By the way, I was told by a family member, who is a public school educator, that I wouldn’t be able to “teach as good as a public school teacher”. First of all (taking off my earrings and watch), it’s “teach AS WELL AS”. Secondly, I’m a degreed, certified teacher with six years of teaching experience (along with four years of classroom experience through volunteering, student teaching, practicum classes, etc). Thirdly, I made a 4.0 in my specialty, reading instruction, and also made the Dean’s List. AND I graduated on time, unlike this individual who took an extra two years.
Now, who’s unqualified, exactly?!?!?!?!?!
Yeah. That’s what I thought.
Bam! Drops mic…
This is what I needed to hear! It’s all exactly RIGHT ON. I have experienced immense push-back from so many (it’s like you were in the room listening and then wrote it all here! Lol!) and have found myself in defense mode. Afterwards I ALWAYS ask myself why I need to defend. I mean, when was the last time any of these old-school, “you’ll fail for sure”, thinkers even looked in a public school book, or read the reading requirements (or pd for private school tuition and uniforms, because SURELY that’s better?!) This WILL work. I might be new, but I will be wildly successful! 😉
Thank you so much for this!
In my 15 years of homeschooling I have heard some doozies from friends, family & even strangers. One person told me she didn’t “believe in” homeschooling, in the same context of not believing in Santa. I assured her that homeschooling is real. Another person who tutors high school level math told me she thought homeschooling was a terrible idea because she once tutored a homeschooler who was behind her public school peers in math……which I guess would explain the need for a tutor. I mean, the kids from public or private school that she was tutoring were also struggling, right? Many people who meet my children before they find out we homeschool express their surprise with, “I would have never guessed!?!?! They seem so normal!” As it turns out, “normal” has more to do with the child’s personality and less to do with where his or her learning takes place. But the very best comment came about 3 weeks after my 4th child was born. I had ventured out to the grocery store with all 4 children for the first time. I was stopped by a stranger in the frozen food section who looked squinty-eyed at my children and said, “No school today?” and my 10 year old said, “Oh, we homeschool.” and this complete stranger said to me, “Aren’t you afraid they will become mentally ill from spending so much time with you?” I kid you not. I actually looked at myself and all my children to make sure we were all completely dressed because what besides partial public nudity would cause you to say such a thing? I wish that I could say I fired back some clever retort from the brain fog of newborn sleep deprivation, but all I said was, “No,” and we continued on our merry way. I have learned that a shrug and a calm, “Homeschooling isn’t for everyone, but it works for us,” usually does the trick.
Recently, my sister told me that homeschool son needs to attend a public school in order to overcome his shyness(he isn’t even shy, I’d say “timid”).
She went on telling me how she knows a family that all their three homeschooled children turned out “bad”.
Thanks, sister, for being in my side !
Thank you, Jennifer, for the encouraging article!!! It helped me to realize it’s not me, it’s “them” :).
Oh lordy! Family can be the toughest to deal with, because we have to keep in touch. I’m so glad my article helped you find some peace. And I hope your sister finds some as well. 😉
How can I deal with my parents and other family members that understand I homeschool but think that means I do nothing all day and are free to do everything and anything they need me to do instead of working with my children?? I have tried to do a juggling act but it is failing miserably and I already question if I’m teaching them enough though they do really well when tested. I just don’t know what to do. I really enjoy being able to stay at home and educate my children but feel like I’m always defending myself against people that don’t agree with it. Its always well if you don’t have the time then you should out then in school. Ugh!
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. My opinion (which is not often the homeschool group think), you must treat this endeavor like a full time job. Set boundaries. Hours each day you should be considered “at work” while teaching your kids. Let others know or take the phone off the hook, so to speak. Make homeschooling a priority you respect and keep your goals in mind. Say no to what you can’t fit into your schedule or what will take you away from your homeschool career. Don’t apologize. People will get it and respect your path or give up and move on. Stay strong!
Thank you for this hilarious and comforting post. I am recuperating after an exhausting Thanksgiving weekend with the relatives. Thank you for cheering me up!
Thanks for the laughs and truth! We found our plan A for our kids over twenty years ago and due to many years of infertility in between children, we will still be homeschooling for probably another 20 or more! Still trying to wrap my head around that! Our youngest has Down Syndrome do that’s a new schooling journey for us- new but beautiful. Thankfully I’m old enough this time around to not really care about the stupid comments people make who have not walked our path. I would take some duct tape though. I laughed out loud so thanks for that!
Incame across your blog while searching for something about homeschooling! Thank you this gave me inspiration to homeschool and to share my own experiences with my homeschool journey. ( well we just officially started last september )
Thank you for your witty well written articles. They make me laugh and i am nodding my head all the way. I am at the edge of opting my year 7 son out of school. His last 3 years of primary school and this first month of high school has really got me disillusioned with tge institution of school, in both academic and socisl aspects. I need to make a decision asap as my son is experiencing severe school anxiety and has pleaded with me to homeschool him. I believe that i can do this as hard as it will be. But now to face the naysayers, starting with dear hubby who thinks i have lost my marbles!
I am horribly upset and hurt. I have two kids that have been home schooled since grade six and they are doing very well. My mother who is in her mid eighties has continually come against me homeschooling with subtle insults to mine and my children’s intelligence over these years. She has literally convinced one of my sons to go to high school because if he doesn’t, then he won’t make anything of himself except being a bum. She even went so far as to call him ‘brain dead’. She has fully undermined my ability to parent and educate freely, and my son’s ability to make decisions based on his individual critical thinking. She has literally been able to micromanage our family without us even recognizing it until now. I refuse to discuss education with my mother anymore, and right now I cannot even bring myself to speak with her unless the conversation is short and matter of fact. Devastated in Canada!
I’m so sorry you are having a hard time. It’s so difficult when those that should support us are tearing us down. Stay strong.
Thank You so much for your witty words and encouragement. We attended one of your classes in Ontario, CA recently and very much enjoyed it. It helps to know that others are having the same struggles/challenges/joys/achievements/success and woo-hoo moments…and even a few “oops”. 😉
My husband and I homeschooled my two boys in the early 80’s. For the most part, only my sister thought we were crazy then. (or at least she was the only one who voiced her opinion) Now I’m the grandma, and a widow, (and my oldest son is having marriage problems and lives with me, his brother, and his daughter) My oldest always wanted to homeschool his children. He has a daughter, now 6 and he has decided to homeschool (NYS) like he always said he wanted to. Sent his letter of intent, he even enrolled in CLonlara school to help with nay-sayers. Well, his mother in law is the m-i-l from hell (not a new thing). She will not let this go. (my sister still thinks we’re crazy) This child is such a free spirit..and her other grandma has brainwashed her into thinking she HAS to go to a “building school”. So currently she will do nothing (well, she thinks its nothing if practicing counting to 100 and simple addition problems, and writing her letters, and designing her own lego houses, is nothing) because “this isn’t school” (Past experience, and knowledge of homeschooling has taught me this will pass. We’re still in the settling into a routine) I’m going to pass on some of the comments and your article to my son. I do think this is undermining his confidence.
weirdly everyone in my family has been very supportive about our decision to try homeschooling, I was the one who was doubtful. But we had tried everything else.
Our adopted son needed special attention to catch up and he just wasn’t getting it in traditional school. However, strangers always like to ask about socializing. I am like we could socialize or co-op everyday of the week (there is a large homeschool community here) if we wanted to but kiddo and I are more the occasional socializers. But wait for it, kiddo plays fine on play dates and knows all the kid lingo. How is that possible you say? Because they all speak Minecraft!
I came down the rabbit hole of your blog and ended up on this post. I needed it. I needed every single word written, especially during this time, Rona 2020. I’m a homesteading homeschooler and that’s a double whammy during this time. Thank for this post, the tail end of it was a breath of much needed fresh air. I’ve tried hard to present the positives of homeschooling but I think now I will just quietly sit on my hands. (I did read your other post in regards to the current crisis-homeschooling) Just going to let sleeping dogs lie and continue on being happy and peaceful in the decisions we’ve made for our family.