Homeschooling…
Apart from the relaxed atmosphere, unkempt house, hoards of bookmarks and overly opinionated free-thinking kids, this homeschool gig just keeps on giving.
For instance, our family has obtained open lines of communication and trust. And I personally accrued eye wrinkles and three staplers.
Mistakenly, I thought the kids were supposed to do all of the learning, and I was supposed to tear out the perforated worksheets, read the bold italics print warmly to the students, and fend off the socialization questions from nosy strangers and butt-faced relatives. Turns out, I have also accumulated a few trinkets of homeschool wisdom along the way. Such as,
…and I am sorry to say, homeschool moms form cliques too.
I know, right? It shocked the eager-to-make-new-friends out of me too. Because, though we all hold fast to the common thread of defiance against institutionalized learning, the similarities stop there. With all the different reasons and ways to homeschool, we are probably more equipped to discriminate against one another than our public school counterparts.
Most unschoolers hang with like-minded unschoolers, which is practically a different genus and species from the more traditional school-minded mom who installed a school bell/intercom system and a homework deposit box on her bedroom door the day after she decided to homeschool. And then there are co-op moms who take up arms against each other over statements of faith, and food allergy accommodations.
Basically we are all just women. We judge and sort each other, stare down the new mom. Scope her out, find out what is wrong with her kids. Then invent something wrong with her kids. Like or hate her based on her reason for homeschooling and her choice in math curriculum.
In addition to this bit of wisdom, I also like to ponder deeply upon issues facing homeschool moms, usually during those awkward moments where I sit quietly trying not to breathe too loud, lest I cause a long division problem to veer off its course to the right answer and set off a domino of tantrum throwing, up-and-coming mathematicians.
I would like to share these tidbits with you now…
- I have all but scientifically proven that a child will not sharpen their pencil until such time as it will cause the loudest most annoying and interfering ruckus, guaranteeing a sibling will be shot into orbit or will break his/her own pencil in half and slip into insanity.
- Get a real dictionary for your classroom, not the ones from the $1 bins. Apparently the 10,000 words they left out did not qualify for the discount.
- The sweet moms who get along with everyone do exist. Yeah, no, I am not one of them. But if you find your kind of homeschool mom-pal, I hope you realize it fast enough to keep from sticking your foot in your mouth and commenting on how many kids are following her around. And I hope that you become good friends in the trenches.
- Curriculum shopping is way underrated! Flipping through all the possibilities is intoxicating. Reading the reviews, comparing the samples. Ahhh! Seriously, I get giddy just waiting for a box of books to arrive. Rainbow Resource does not offer tracking, which makes me slightly unhinged with anticipation, but inevitably adds to the excitement.
- Co-op is all at once fun and a waste of time. In a moment of weakness we joined a co-op. You either love it, hate it, or put up with it. You won’t understand this until you have been there thinking to yourself, “This is alright, but what more productive thing could we be doing now?”
- Real money is better than the math manipulatives. Teach them to identify it, count it, make change with it. Then bribe them to finish their work with it.
- No one agrees with how you are homeschooling. Not completely anyway. Even my own mother, who supports me whole heartedly, likes to make suggestions and poke fun at my control issues. Be the bold captain of your own ship. Other ships (or canoes) take different routes and you do not have to follow. Maybe allow for the crew to speak their peace, but try not to throw grandma and the kids overboard.
- There are plenty of things to argue with your husband about other than money. More on that here: He Said She Said. A Homeschool Marriage.
- Just because they offer a class somewhere, doesn’t mean you cannot teach it better. I am that mom at co-op smiling and helping out and all the while thinking, I could make this so much more interesting, wishing we had never signed up for this class.
- A trip to the mailbox can save your soul between math lessons and grammar. The mailbox is one of my favorite hangouts.
- Waiting is one of my greatest skills. Most of mothering is hurrying up to wait. Hurry, we have to get to practice. Wait in the bleachers. Hurry, the music teacher is here. Wait for lesson to finish. Hurry and eat your food! Wait an eternity for one pea to go down.
- There are homeschoolers who never seem to be at home? They are in every club in the county, three different co-ops, six sports, church groups, the peace corps, and take a vacation every thirty minutes. Just open a Where’s Waldo book and you are guaranteed to find them on every page.
- Just go to the movies. CPS is not camped out behind the neighbor’s begonias. If public schools can take all day field trips to six flags and call it educational, you can go see the new Diary of a Wimpy Kid and call it journalism.
- There is no trophy or plaque for being the best homeschool mom. But I pretend there is and try to earn it anyway. I just know I have to be in the top 10?! Working on an acceptance speech is probably too much though.
- Never try to talk anyone into homeschooling. Its like urging a friend to marry someone that you do not even know. You do not have to live with them, so stay out of it. Likewise, never argue with someone adamantly against homeschooling. Both could end in hurt feelings. Or homicide.
And finally, remember, no matter how difficult the subject,
grade level, age, or school year,
this too shall pass.
And then there is calculus.
A homework mailbox on the bedroom door … priceless! Why did I never think of doing this? Probably because I have the sort of kids (girls) that would have loved it … seriously, they are a bit weird you know. One actually used her pocket money to buy an old fashioned desk and chair like they used to use in schools and the other one worked on making them matching school uniforms … with freaken hats and all.
Thank you for sharing your sage advice and wisdom and a darn good laugh.
Your girls are awesome! “Freaken hats” HAHAHA!
haha This is awesome!
🙂 Thanks!
Love it!
You are hilarious- and always right, it seems! I always love reading your posts.
Oh boy, I should probably stop working on my acceptance speech, too. LOL Thanks for another post that I think all homeschool moms can relate to in some way or another… and one that also helps us to laugh and stop taking ourselves so seriously. I think we all need that from time to time.
I realize we’ve never met….but I LOVE you, lol! Gracious, you had me at the socialization comment about relatives because I have lived that. With that same “charitable” thought process. I am saddened by the cliques because I simply don’t fit in; I had my kids late. We are dealing with autism and ADHD; my oldest would rather live at Joann’s Fabric and make doll clothes than act like a typical tween; my youngest would rather play with younger kids who don’t expect much of her socially. I have no interest in a co-ops and use a mismatched curriculum (oh, the horror!) so I can’t engage in the “we spend a fortune on this and stop using it halfway though the year anyway” conversations 🙂 So I glad I found you, appreciate the open honesty!
I wish all of you lived in my neighborhood! 🙂
Aww, me too!
These are great! Thanks 🙂
Remind me to put my big girl panty liners on before I read your Blog.
BwahaaHaa! This is the funniest comment I think I’ve ever had on the blog. Love it. Thanks!
I love this! As someone who has never been a gal who fits in; I know exactly what you mean. Cliques really annoy me. SO middle/high schools and yet it is what it is. How wonderful and blessed we are to find others of similar mindset; in this crazy journey, I don’t know if I will ever be mom of the year and I am totally okay with that. We live and learn as best we can. And we try to have fun (and not have any homicides) along the way! haha
Thank you. Yes, the struggle to find our comfy spot in a group is real. Just be you, and let your people come to you. And if they don’t, well their loss. And there’s always netflix. LOL!
I think you are hilarious! I’m wondering if you are part of a regular group like a support group? I’ve never been in a co op but I love my homeschool group.
I guess I’ve been very fortunate to know some incredibly wonderful, mature home school women because I’ve never encountered what this author describes as far as cliques go. Sure, there are groups of like-minded home schoolers but they have always been open and welcoming to others (unschoolers/traditional, for example). Twice I’ve encountered co-op situations regarding statements of faith/religion, and both times all parties handled things graciously and maturely. We didn’t have everyone continue in the group but we all remained friends. Maybe I’m fortunate…or maybe I’m clueless. But then again I sent a letter to my co-op parents indicating that no one would be excluded/turned away for their faith and that absolutely no drama would be tolerated.
I wish there were more honest articles like these about life as a homeschool mom. I’m waiting until secondary to do it for a variety of reasons and can’t help but think that behind all of those rosy glow advocacy articles and opinion pieces the real deal lurks, and it’s as ugly as the comments I get at church about our public schools years ! Fortunately I was homeschooled long enough to know it isn’t perfect or terrible—it’s what you make of it just like any kind of schooling to be honest. Still, the mom to mom dynamics aren’t often discussed so i appreciate you being real.
Yep! All this and more…..
I never made it in our one big homeschool group in the neighboring town! I was an “old” mom that wasn’t “hip” I guess??? I have no idea what I did wrong to not be “accepted.” I tried to be sweet (for once, LOL!) and all, but to no avail!
Wish all of you lived in my neighborhood!