Homeschool Lies

Homeschool lies are just good intentions covered in poppycock. 101 homeschool lies is really the short list. And I really did make an actual numbered list. I occasionally suffer from over achievement syndrome for the most useless of things.

(The list is down below. But wait! I’m not done making excuses for my sinful ways.)

However, it wasn’t difficult to come up with 101 homeschool lies. Especially not after seven years of homeschooling and overthinking and worrying about everything, and while being a bit…well… hifalutin. What the heck does hifalutin mean anyway?!

 

Truth is…

I am so full of bull!  Most homeschoolers are really.

From the moment we choose to homeschool we begin to lie to ourselves. The homeschool lies often start with fantastical daydreams of educational success and lead to grand expectations of academic achievement, followed by impossible goals we can’t begin to complete when life gets in the way.

These grand ideas and plans are just homeschool lies in Sunday dress.

 

Lies of Great Expectations

Our earliest homeschool lies are the great things we believe will happen simply because we homeschool . Lies such as… Telling ourselves that our kids will be smarter and better behaved than most, that bullies will no longer be an issue, or we will start every day with picturesque family time.

Of course, this is all bullfiction.

Bullfiction: (n) a word I made up, which here means lies in print I read, or inferred, from
somewhere on a homeschool blog the year we started homeschooling.

Obviously our kids don’t magically become intelligent little ladies and gentleman by slapping a homeschool label on them. And bullies can be found anywhere from team sports to Sunday school. But we can dream and hope, and sadly be caught off guard when things don’t measure up.

And they won’t always measure up. They may never.

Perfection Deception

When epic plans and expectations veer off course and goals aren’t met, often new homeschoolers just give up. And they never know that they were probably doing a pretty good job, or at least good enough to continue anyway.They mistakenly aimed for perfection.

Perfection is an impossible homeschool goal, and a lie easily misconstrued from cozy story-time pictures, curriculum ads, and mind-blowing homeschool statistics.

Also, perfection is boring. For instance, if our science fair project had gone strictly as planned that year I wouldn’t have⇒ this epic story ⇐to share. Perfecting homeschooling is like trying to make grammar funner. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Thus, aiming for perfection is the basis for many homeschool lies we might tell ourselves.

 

 

Doubling Down on the Lies

Still, others don’t give up, but rather double down on their lies and misguided notions of homeschool grandeur, and they continue to pack their year with even more outlandish goals in hopes of proving themselves.

The pressure for perfection and the desire for the outside world to pat us on the back leads to silly excuses for our shortcomings, negative thoughts of perceived failures, and baseless worries. (See Homeschool Nightmares!)

Funny Fibs of Introspection

Most of my list of 101 homeschool lies is silly introspection. Exaggerated truth. Those ridiculous and goofy things we worry about, and vow we will (or won’t) do along the course of a homeschool day or year.

By sharing these real (often funny and ridiculous) thoughts, worries, and honest introspection of homeschool parents, I hope it might help us all to see that we are not alone. And certainly not failures if we have thought, done or said any of these things.

How do I know? Because I’ve said almost every single one of these 100 homeschool lies in my mind or out loud over coffee with my best good homeschool friend, Forrest. And I’m still rockin’ this homeschool gig!

Another Lie!

“But wait you said there were 101 homeschool lies? Not 100!”

Yes, I did, didn’t I? Well, number 101 is blank. Not because I couldn’t think of anything else to add, of course. I’m not airing all my dirty laundry on this one post! No, I left the last one blank so you could add your own personalized lie to the list. Because I share and I’m nice like that.

(See, there I go lying again.)

Read through the list. Laugh. Don’t cry. And let me know if I nailed it, or left anything out. Don’t forget to add a lie to number 101! Then share this post with a homeschool friend who’s ready to throw in the towel and needs to know they’re not alone.

 

And finally, without further ado, I give you…

101 Lies I Tell Myself About Homeschooling

 

Because we homeschool…

1. My kids will be well behaved and respectful of all adults.
2. I must have it all together all the time.
3. My kids are smarter than kids in public school.
4. People probably think we’re weird, have no TV, and raise llamas.
5. We should join a co-op.
6. The government is spying on us.
7. We don’t have to worry about bullies or stereotypes.
8. No one will believe my kids really earned an A.
9. People expect us to be weirdly religious.
10. My kids will have a hard time getting into college.
11. Asking for outside help is seen as a weakness.

 

This year we will…

12. Stay on schedule.
13. Wake up early and start school by 8:30am daily.
14. Begin each day with morning group time.
15. Take more field trips and nature walks.
16. Make a chore chart and stick to it.
17. Take long breaks and epic vacations.
18. Finish all our curriculum. Early.
19. Do more art.
20. Eat more homemade dinners.
21. Join more social activities and make friends.
22. Join fewer social activities and spend more time at home.
23. Enjoy December by baking for the homeless, volunteering
at toy drives, caroling at nursing homes, and learning holiday
customs from around the world.

I will not…

24. Buy $50 worth of supplies we won’t use from the Target dollar bins.
25. Buy curriculum just because it is on sale.
26. Engage in homeschool debate with strangers in checkout lines.
27. Make my kid cry over math today.
28. Fall asleep/zone out while my kid excitedly tells me what they learned.
29. Lock my kids outside for recess.
30. Call my husband 3 times a day to tattle about the kids’ behavior.
31. Forget to check the length of my kids’ hair and fingernails once a month.
32. Threaten to send my kids to school more than once a month.
33. Wear pjs/yoga pants out and try to pass them off as real workout clothes.
34. Tell other people how to homeschool “correctly.”
35. Roll my eyes under my breath when other moms brag about their kids.
36. Do my child’s chores because it’s easier than making them do it.
37. Yell at my kids.
38. Covet my neighbor’s free time.

I will…

39. Finish every lesson in the book so the kids don’t miss anything
someone might quiz them on at the next big family event.
40. Call each of my kids by the correct name consistently.
41. Only buy the book I came to the bookstore to buy.
42. Make friends with other homeschool moms.
43. Know my limits and ask for help when I need it.
44. Read the novel instead of pretending I know the book we are discussing.
45. Write lesson plans a month in advance, instead of as things happen.
46. Be more social and set an example for my kids.
47. Let my husband explain things in his own weird way.
48. Correct my kids’ school work and bad behaviors immediately.

 

My kids will love…

49. This great unit study I’ve spend days putting together.
50. Weekly library scavenger hunts.
51. Field trips to modern art museums.
52. Getting to go with the whole family to medical and dental appointments.
53. Reading aloud together every night before bed.
54. Being dropped off at random homeschool social activities.
55. These matching family homeschool shirts!
56. Keeping up with their own schedule in these great new planners!
57. Listening to me talk about how smart they are to everyone I meet.
58. Learning to cook things they don’t even like to eat.
59. Watching all their science labs on YouTube
instead of getting messy in the kitchen.

 

When it comes to school work…

60. We must do all the written work in each lesson to master a subject.
61. They’ll learn it when they are ready/interested.
62. Grocery shopping counts as math.
63. We won’t switch curriculum mid-year.
64. We’ll wait and do ________ after dinner tonight.
65. We’re not doing enough.
66. We’re doing too much.
67. I don’t need to purchase the answer key.
68. Grades never matter.
69. We’re the only homeschoolers not learning Latin.
70. There will be more time for enrichment studies in the summer.
71. I can’t teach high school.

 

If/Then…

72. If my kid doesn’t get into the college of his choice, I will have failed him.
73. If they don’t learn it now, they never will.
74. If we’re not having fun, I must be homeschooling all wrong.
75. If my kid asks to go to school, I am not cut out to homeschool.
76. If I take time out for myself, I’m letting my kids down.
77. If my kids are quiet and shy it’s because we homeschool.
78. If we don’t read all The Chronicles of Narnia, we aren’t real homeschoolers.
79. If we don’t join a co-op, we are antisocial.
80. If we skip a chapter or two, it will affect their future SAT scores.
81. If the kids don’t like homeschooling some days, I won’t take it personally.
82. If we take off December, we’ll just make up the work during the summer.

 

We will never…

83. Send our kids to (or back to) a brick and mortar school.
84. Allow our house to look like we homeschool.
85. Sweat the small stuff. We’ll build blanket forts and enjoy family time.
86. Let the dishes and laundry pile up and attack us in our blanket fort.
87. Join a co-op.
88. Use a complete curriculum boxed set.
89. Question our decision to homeschool.
90. Let our kids’ successes and failures define us as parents.

 

More lies and half-truths…

91. I will not compare my kids’ abilities to others.
92. Starting tomorrow, we’re setting limits on screen time.
93. My kids aren’t getting enough socialization.
94. This encyclopedia set, museum membership, etc. is an investment!
95. Our kids will never appreciate what all we do for them.
96. We don’t homeschool for religious, spiritual, or political reasons.
97. I have no idea what I’m doing.
98. I will support any and all my children’s career goals.
99. I’ve lost my identity and have no life since homeschooling.
100. Not now, but soon, we will (take that trip/do that project/have that talk) …I promise.
101. ______________?

The Truth of the Matter

All these little lies, worries and fibs are what make homeschool parents perfect for the job. Our concerns keep us on our toes striving to do what’s best for our families. This is the time of our lives where we, as parents, will make the greatest impact on the world.

Lie #100 matters most.

Enjoy the time you have together. Fun and relaxed family time is important. But this is also the time to arm our children with the knowledge and moral strength to face a difficult world, so be sure and talk to your kids about all the things while you still have their attention. If you don’t, there is a world itching to do it for you.

And there you have it…

101 Lies I Tell Myself About Homeschooling!

Did I leave anything out?