Think of the main, honest reason you homeschool. If you could only give one answer, what would it be? Do we all have a different answer or are there common reasons we homeschool? Apparently, this is a difficult question, because when I asked this question on social media I had several people not even attempt.
“I can’t give just one!” said an overwhelmed mom.
“Because.” said another mom, in no mood to open that can of worms. Ever again. And this angst was a discussion among homeschoolers.
I got some great responses that all hovered around ten common and brutally honest reasons we homeschool, which I will share below. But, it gets trickier when we are asked by someone who doesn’t homeschool.
Should we be honest or politically correct? Recent horrific news stories have used “homeschooled” as a sensational trigger word, unfairly casting homeschooling in a conflicting light. Certainly, it is a cheap societal scapegoat.
But could we be partially to blame for the continual suspicious perception of homeschooling?
Homeschooling is a Curiosity
“Wow. Homeschool, huh? So that’s like a real thing?” said the curious stranger, or the alarmed friend or family. Put us in a petri dish and poke us with a number 2 pencil already. We really are a curious alien life form to many.
And even if you decided to homeschool from child birth, when your kid gets big enough to look odd sipping a latte with mom at the bookstore at 10 am on a Tuesday in February you are going to be asked at least once why your kids aren’t in school.
Which you don’t have to answer truthfully, or at all. You can totally feign sudden deafness or tell a perfect stranger that your family is in the witness protection program, and you could explain, but then you’d have to kill them… “Honey, hand momma her purse, but be careful not to jiggle the handle too vigorously.”
Unless you never go out during school hours, which is such a waste of one of the biggest perks of homeschooling. 30 years ago, or so… (I don’t know I’m not good with dates since it still feels like the 80s were just a decade ago, and where the heck is my hoverboard McFly!?)
Anyway, some odd years ago a few feisty moms in denim and station wagons braved scornful glares and the fear of being reported for anything slightly uncouth and dared to step out in public with their half-citizen offspring.
It was more likely at that point in homeschool history for an innocent cup of coffee to end up coffee with child protective services during a home inspection.
But it is your prerogative to avoid the looks and questions and stay home in hiding.
Sigh.
Why Homeschool?
If we head outside of our house, it is also our prerogative to respond however we like when anyone asks, “Why do you choose to homeschool?”
Often those who ask are genuinely curious about our educational views and day-to-day schedules. “So how does this all work? How do you know what to teach? Do you send out report cards and ring a bell between subjects?”
But for the most uninformed and programmed mainstream American, stumbling upon a homeschooler for the first time is like wandering into the freak show tent and seeing the bearded lady teaching grammar.
Homeschooling continues to grow as public education continues to spiral downward and our government becomes more contemptuous of the family unit, and still this perception that homeschoolers are “different” and “estranged” continues.
The PC Reason We Homeschool
Every time I read or hear this politically correct response I want to yell, “You Quitters!”
But I’m just as guilty of using this favored cop-out answer and it made my readers’ top 10 list of reasons to homeschool.
“It’s what is best for our family.”
The first few months after we became “that homeschool family” there was no stopping the truth bombs I would launch when asked why we chose to homeschool.
Like a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth, I told anyone and everyone who asked all about our trying experiences with the mediocre public-school education our kids were getting. And I conveyed our concerns of bullying, and the morally bankrupt influences on our kids.
Yes, I once spouted what led us to our decision to homeschool bluntly and unapologetically.
But quickly it became apparent that my honest concerns were perceived as hifalutin and judgmental to those who wouldn’t dare explore the world of homeschooling regardless of their own discontent.
And especially those unwilling to acknowledge that government schools market to the loudest and most bankrolled lobbying group, and our kids are their cash-crop.
See? There goes my mouth again.
It seems in my effort to educate those who questioned my decision to
homeschool, I was hurling insults from my high horse. And like all humble homeschoolers not out looking for a fight, I adopted the phrase that generalizes, and yet sidesteps, the truth just enough to end the conversation:
“Oh us? We homeschool because it just works best for our family.”
Why This Answer Works for Us All
Using this answer is a defensive move. In a breakup sort of way (It’s not you, it’s me). And we might as well be saying we homeschool because:
Our family is just peculiar different. For undisclosed mysterious and possibly shameful or criminal reasons. Don’t sweat it. You’re off the hook if you feel insecure about your own educational choices in relation to ours. Our issues only pertain to us because we are being purposefully weird special. Thanks for asking. Move along now.
That’s what we want, right? To be left alone. And usually folks do just that. They move along. And speculate. And apply everything they hear in the news upon all homeschoolers. Because we told them we were different, but we didn’t explain why.
Homeschool Hypocrite
I’m a homeschool hypocrite, and here is why:
I once wrote an article making fun of the way some moms are quick to concoct self-deprecating reasons and excuses NOT to homeschool when in the unnerving presence of a homeschool mom. READ, RELATE and LAUGH HERE!
No, I’m not about to apologize for it. It was stinking hilarious! And it resounded with many homeschool moms who had no doubt been accused of being “really patient” by friends, acquaintances, and strangers who felt they needed an escape clause from homeschooling.
Common Excuses Not to Homeschool
For those who missed it, allow me to review some of the most widely used defenses that moms (who have the time and means) use to fortify themselves when they maybe feel that they could or should homeschool, but just don’t want to:
I could never homeschool my kids because…
- I just don’t have enough patience.
- My kids won’t listen to me.
- My kid and I argue about everything.
- I just can’t be with my kids that much.
I pointed out the hypocritical way they disguise their aversion to homeschooling as compliments for homeschool moms.
And I am a hypocrite for doing the same.
Sure, it’s true that I think homeschooling is the best education choice for our family. But that doesn’t explain why we chose to homeschool. When we use our PC excuse we hide the common events, shared beliefs, and concerning truths that led us to homeschooling within a veil of “otherness.”
Are we really that different?
Okay yes, we are different. We had the gumption to leap into homeschooling despite the mainstream push for conformity. And we wear pajamas all hours of the day and talk about such things as second breakfast.
The Less Alienating Truth
The real reasons for homeschooling that parents shared with me are not concerns specific to homeschooling parents. In fact, some of us were public-school parents when the concerns got so great we braved a massive lifestyle change to ease them.
I’m not saying we should engage everyone that asks in a debate of our beliefs and convictions about homeschooling. I still avoid a confrontation at all costs (most of the time).
But what if the truth does sound better? The truth will no doubt cause some angst in our relationships with those who choose to continue to send their kids to public schools, possibly because our sound arguments resonate with them and bring on a certain insecurity. They get offended because whatever we say other than the PC response can be construed as a hit on their educational choice.
Could our honesty affect change for others over time? Lead those hesitant to homeschool to brave the possibility because they see homeschooling in a new, less alien light?
10 Honest Reasons Parents Choose to Homeschool
- We like to be in control of our schedule and what values our kids learn.
- To ensure our kids are loved and safe from bullies and school shootings.
- We want our kids to get a top quality, personalized education.
- So our kids will learn to think and reason, not just regurgitate facts for a test.
- Our kids need time with their father, who they would otherwise never see.
- It is best for our family.
- The time with our kids will go by fast and we want to be together.
- We want to follow God’s instruction to educate our kids to live a Christian life.
- Freedom!
- We have seen the downward spiral of the education system, societies morals, and the family unit, and we don’t want it influencing our children. (i.e. We’ve seen the village…)
Acknowledging the blunt reasons we choose to homeschool may not convince anyone to homeschool. That’s cool. We aren’t recruiting sister wives or anything. But sharing our real convictions might help others to see that most homeschoolers are just strong families taking action against real world concerns. No alien agendas.
Great post! I’m sure, then, that I’m in the minority. I’ve never used the “it works for our family” reason simply because it also conveys the idea that public school works for other families. I disagree. I don’t think this is how the world was created to work, and I stand by that. When I used to be asked, I spoke the truth.
– I don’t want the government raising my children.
– I can do a better job.
– Homeschooling is a natural extension of parenting; we’ve been brainwashed to think it isn’t.
And on and on with my probably-offensive responses. 😛
Haha! Keep it real!
My daughter was homeschooled all through her 3rd grade year. We relocated to a new state and she decided that she wanted to try public school. The agreement was to give it a full year…. So far, it hasn’t produced much more than a poor excuse of staff that disrespect your child, 1 bullying incident, extensive setbacks in her quality of learning, and her being taught how take tests constantly. We’re 2 months away from finishing this test year as agreed to, but it’s back to homeschooling again after it’s done! I’m appalled at everything my daughter has struggled and suffered through to finish this one public school year. And sadly all I heard prior to this is how she really needs socializing. She’s socialized and has reported back; it’s a crock of crap, not worth it in any way. Even worse, my own mother still says it’s that she’s not socializing enough. My end result is that public school can suck it, it’s overrated, and absolutely a waste of time and effort.
Ugh! Thank heavens you can get back to homeschooling, and with a renewed sense of purpose and appreciation.
It’s funny because neither my husband or myself were the type to consider homeschooling. We both felt that the socialization and peer learning were important. So homeschooling was never a topic of conversation. When my oldest was in 4th grade she started having a lot of medical problems that were caused due to bullying (teacher facilitated even!). So we pulled her out half way and homeschooled her.
It was awful. And I swore never to do that again. We moved so she did 5th grade at a completely different school district. By then my 2nd was in 3rd grade, and having problems. Problems being she was much more educated than her peers and bored out of her mind.
So we pulled her for 4th grade, but then I had medical problems that made it hard for me to keep up, and ended up sending her back to public school.
Then we got in to her 5th grade year and she was BORED and was causing issues. I’ve figured out how to homeschool around my medical condition, and she is thriving. My now 7th grader is asking to go back to homeschool and I think we can do it this time around. My 3rd, is already asking me when she can homeschool, but I do like public school for learning to read and making social connections. So we’ve decided that 3rd grade is what works for us to start homeschooling.
And now I look forward to it. I love the freedom.
So my reason I say is usually “She was bored and becoming a problem, with homeschooling we go at a faster pace and she covers more than a year’s worth of material this way.”
That’s quite a journey back and fourth for you. If you have found what works best for you and yours, do your thing. Though I think you might find that you can teach reading too. 😉
I wrote a couple of essays about why we homeschool. I think you’ll like the first one.
I bought and enjoyed your book.
http://www.sarahbadatrichardson.com/why-i-homeschool/
http://www.sarahbadatrichardson.com/a-letter-to-my-daughter-why-we-homeschool/
Great, thanks for sharing. I’ll check them out! Glad you liked the book and I hope it made you LOL! 🙂
It did! It will make a great Christmas gift to my mommy friends!
A few years ago I was attending a brand new book club for the first time and when one of them asked why we homeschooled I blurted our “because we hate the government”. Luckily lots of them were homeschoolers as well and it wasn’t awkward for long, but I definitely started self editing before answering that question after that!
Hahaha! I understand completely. Oops!
We know our kids best who else could be that great of a teacher
I love this article. Planning to ask my parents to be homeschooled.
I am a parent beginning to plan to start homeschool for my struggling 3rd grader. All my research has shocked me and got me super excited to finally be the one to teach him and ease his frustration.
That’s awesome! Best wishes to you both! Don’t hesitate to write me if you have questions or need a laugh.
Today’s education system is so outdated it doesn’t prepare our kids for the 21st century. There is nothing natural about the education system, it is beyond ridiculous that it even still exists and it needs a serious disruption.
I became a parent because I wanted my kids: to raise them, keep them safe and invest my time for them to become their best self, follow their dreams and be with them like having an actual, meaningful relationship. Why would any loving parent (that has the financial means to stay home) send their kids to a school where they are taught by a complete stranger that is underpaid, under-educated, unappreciated and completely overworked and be with a bunch of random kids most of them with no manners or involved parents. I hope that in a few years people sending their kids to Daycare/School (it’s the same madness) are the ones that are looked at wired. We can be proud of ourselves as we are setting the new norm. In the future people will look back at traditional schooling as our kids now look back at typewriters. what the heck is that 🙂
Our two sons did not do well in traditional school but they thrived in homeschool. I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to grow, learn and explore with them on a day to day basis as they matured into fine young men. I would not trade the experience for anything in the world. And now in their youth as I watch them travel globally as skateboard missionaries working with kids on the streets, I am confident the homeschool journey was well worth the investment.
I’d love to see these ten honest reasons as a shareable meme! I don’t want to steal your work though. Pretty please?
I’m on it!
I usually say “we’ve been doing it because it has been working”. People usually like that answer.
We tossed around the idea but I never really thought I could homeschool our kids. We moved 1 kid out of district due to bullying. The 2nd kid followed suit for academic reasons, bigger school. The 3rd kid still in district. Our kids all do well, usually complaining they ate not challenged. This year the oldest has been bullied for a kid for 3 years, but middle school handled it well. High school has not handled it and now the parents are bullying us as well. Started this summer and escalated out of control so we pulled our son and felt forced to homeschool. Still finding our way but I believe academically he will be better off. He does miss sports, and the social aspect terribly. We just no longer felt he was safe or that it was an environment he could learn in. However, we still have kids in public school, for now. They are jealous he gets to be homeschooled.
My number one honest answer is middle school or junior high as it is called in some districts. Basically a swamp or cesspool of hormones and bad behavior. A place where so much time is spent on adolescent behavior that little learning occurs. So this is what happened. My granddaughter asked me when she started middle school if I could homeschool her. I said yes, but she had to try one semester of her middle school first. She did her one semester, and I thought she was okay, but she asked again about homeschooling. Yes, of course. She didn’t like the bullying culture at her school. She wasn’t being bullied, but she didn’t like to witness it. She got a much better education at home. We had a K12 homeschooling program, and they have a great curriculum which was flexible. In 8th grade she tried going back to public school and was back home in 2 weeks. She was determined to do public high school, and even though she hated it often, she stuck it out. These were her choices. I believe most kids know what’s best for them. She’s in her first year of college, and she’s loving it.