“And so, for the exhausted moms who no longer find their children’s ability to dress themselves awe inspiring, I have compiled an accessory list of milestones for the adolescent who depends on overworked parents for food and a good internet connection.”
Legend has it that the 12 or some odd children, though illiterate and poorly spoken, were nonetheless able to quote the Bible by book, chapter and verse and without dropping the piece of straw they gritted between their maligned teeth…they shield their faces from strangers who might try and engage them. Socially. Their story has become infamous and an albatross around many of our necks.
Did you know you always wanted to homeschool? Or did you wake up one day and discover you were teaching fractions in your nightgown and enjoying it?
Do the guys a favor and don’t point out the obvious. They are completely aware you are towering over them. They see the adult world and know that they are supposed to be bigger and stronger. The knife is already in their side, you don’t have to twist it. …they are literally eye level with your training bras. How mortifying! But for who really?
… a cautionary heads-up for those who struggle to maintain control and keep that certain child from growing into a manipulative troll. Often we are being played like a fiddle by our own offspring in just three easy steps.
“…choosing to ignore or break any of the following commandments could result in a 15lb weight gain, wrinkles, torn cuticles, a twitching eye, split ends, a missing husband, hemorrhoids, chin hairs, or worse…all loss of confidence and a return to the carpool line from whence you fled.”
I want to be the kind of homeschool mom who can wedge herself in between Webster’s Dictionary and a selection of Usborne Encyclopedia’s …and I’d just hop down from my shelf to run out and buy pre-sharpened Ticonderogas, arrange field trips, keep the WiFi running, and set out tea for the college recruiters. Anything’s possible….
Do homeschooled kids feel the same spirit of the season? This time of year….the $1 bins are brimming with glue sticks and useless shaped erasers, I can’t help but feel the excitement in the air. Like Christmas. Seriously. It’s nostalgic and filled with possibilities! Or a phantom holiday…. like we had busted open a piñata and all that came out were pencil shavings and spelling words.
We’re catching most of the creamy middle, but other good intentions are dripping away as the summer broils on. A list of summer school obstacles…..