Congratulations! You’ve just freaked out your friends, neighbors, and family with your intent to homeschool and ruin you kids’ chances for a normal life, so stand up and take a bow!  Now get a cup of coffee with unlimited refills, quit imagining those Stepford children, sit down and repeat after me:

 

Rome was not built in a day.”

The truth is that Rome took years to rise to grandeur, and then it crumbled faster than my kids can fill their laundry hamper with clothes they only thought about wearing.  So maybe Rome isn’t the best analogy. But, the point is, don’t expect everything to go as you imagined when you were kidnapping your kids from the public school secretary who smirked at you over her reading glasses with an expression that said, you’ll be back. And if you’ve always planned to homeschool, don’t expect little-house-on-the-prairie-manners and an extreme love of great literature to magically appear when you sit your oldest little darling down at the sweet school house desk you found at the antique fair.

In fact don’t expect anything.  Then you don’t have to feel like a failure if/when the following happens:

  • Your plan to have beds made, teeth brushed, breakfast served, and dressed children reciting Shakespeare by 9am sort of happens the first day and never again.
  • Your child that hated math, still hates math.
  • You look over the teacher’s manual and realize, you still hate math.
  • The crystals won’t grow.
  • You want them to think critically, so your children question the necessity of everything you make them do.
  • That expensive, award winning curriculum sucks.  And you already wrote in it.
  • You start to worry about socialization because your kids don’t know how to Whip or Nae Nae at the team party.
  • You discover it is best to write your lesson plans in pencil. Very lightly.
  • Painting X’s on the driveway for PE was a kind of ridiculous idea that won’t wash off.
  • You have to do a tick check after your first family nature walk.
  • You can’t make grammar funner.  Punctuation bingo didn’t quite catch on.
  • Grilled free-range chicken breast atop organic greens isn’t a practical lunch option.  Microwave taquitos, a God send.
  • Your child knows more about the topic you’re trying to teach than you do, thanks to Morgan Freeman.  You aren’t doing enough.
  • You’re out with friends and notice your son is wearing his shirt on backwards, unmatched socks, and is a month overdue for a haircut.
  • The library can host elaborate parties with the late fees it collects solely from your family.  And you never even read half the books you checked out.
  • Your child reminisces about everything fun (and fantasy) about public school and how they miss having friends in front of your biggest homeschool critic.

This list of things I once stressed over seems absurd now. Except for that I never actually painted any X’s on the driveway.  But I thought about it that first week as I had them run laps around the house while yelling which direction they were facing at each turn.  In the first year of homeschooling, Great Expectations are more than a hefty literary conquest by Charles Dickens. And every year after that we still hope for more than will ultimately be achieved. I think it does a homeschool good for mom to dream of perfection, aim for well done, and be okay with over easy.  We can plan and maneuver how we want things to go, but our children will ultimately be the biggest navigators of their homeschool journey.  By all means plan the trip, but allow for detours that will come, and learn from them, always forging ahead.

And one day when you’ve been a little more tenderized and seasoned into homeschooling, the neighbors will drive by as you take an unexpected picture of your kids posing in ridiculous outfits, with their faces covered in chalky-war-paint for no identifiable reason whatsoever.  The neighbor will probably wonder if your kids know how to read, or if you realize they are clearly immature and socially awkward for their ages.  But you won’t notice, because you know the truth. Your kids are awesome and unique. And their witty efforts to make you laugh are the kind of unexpected hiccup you’ve come to appreciate.

 

 

Why It’s Okay to Homeschool One Year at a Time

“I don’t remember standing before God and having my family and friends witness me taking a vow to homeschool until graduation or death!… Instead, I made a silent promise that day. A promise that I would never quit seeking the best road for raising and educating my kids. No matter how uncomfortable, against the grain, or what looks or comments came my way, I would continuously seek the best educational opportunities I could provide my boys.

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Oh Ya, We All Know “That” Homeschool Family

Legend has it that the 12 or some odd children, though illiterate and poorly spoken, were nonetheless able to quote the Bible by book, chapter and verse and without dropping the piece of straw they gritted between their maligned teeth…they shield their faces from strangers who might try and engage them. Socially. Their story has become infamous and an albatross around many of our necks.

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Homeschool Mom Insomnia A Humorous Slip into Madness

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7 Reasons Winter is the Best Homeschooling Season

All is not lost. In fact, this is our season! …We are always willing to forge ahead, find a way, clear a new path, and especially in the comforts of an amazing new fleece hoodie night gown!

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Dear 12 Year Old Girls, My Son Feels as Awkward as You About Your New Body

Do the guys a favor and don’t point out the obvious. They are completely aware you are towering over them. They see the adult world and know that they are supposed to be bigger and stronger. The knife is already in their side, you don’t have to twist it. …they are literally eye level with your training bras. How mortifying! But for who really?

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We Burned Down the Kitchen for Science Fair This Year

Disclaimer: If you work for, or are planning to contact child protective services, I totally made all of this up. Especially the part about getting it on video.

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Against my Will, How I Became a Homeschool Mom

But still, they’ll be weird and homely looking, right? And I’ll have to wear a denim jumper and sell strange oils!

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Homeschool: The Not so Expected First Year Expectations

…In fact don’t expect anything. Then you don’t have to feel like a failure if/when the following happens: …

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Garage Band Theory: A Review Learn to Read Music by Ear?

When I explained to my boys how Mr. Sharp relates only playing by ear and refusing to read music to reinventing the wheel and then not being able to communicate with anyone about it, it struck a chord with them….
Finally! They now see that in an effort to not bog themselves down with music theory, they were wasting time teaching themselves music theory like cavemen without a language.

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No, I Certainly Will NOT Tell You Which Curriculum is Best!

Lord, no! I’d rather discuss how to build walls and burn bridges with Trump or how to avoid pesky government spam with Hillary!

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